Friday, 6 May 2016

thoughts on singleness, loneliness and preparing for marriage

Before I begin, did you know that this is my official 600th post? I'm so excited! Thank you for sharing in my journey so far!

Did you catch my last post? This is sort of a follow-on from that. :) 

Does singleness mean loneliness?
Does singleness mean a life of ease and living for yourself?

I would answer both questions with a resounding NO!!

As a single person, I am living for someone else - my heavenly Father. At no point is my life my own! And I am not lonely. My Father and my best friend is always with me... besides, I have learned to be content with my singleness and so I will be happy and rejoice... even though my friends might pair off and marry and leave me still single.

Philippians 4:11-12
Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret.…

It can be hard, sure. But for us single people, we have this amazing window of opportunity where we can serve the Lord wholeheartedly without distraction!

1 Corinthians 7:32-35
I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

So how should we be living as single people? 
Should we be counting down the days until we eventually find someone? Should we sit around and wait for someone to appear? Should we moan and complain to God that he's not bringing the 'right one' along?

Of course not. All of that goes against the 'being content in this situation' thing. 

I think that our singleness has multiple purposes, as I would like to show you.

1. We can better serve God with our free time (see 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 above) 
2. We can also use our free time to gain important skills - maybe there are blessings and opportunities this season offers us  
3. It teaches us to be content with our situation and to patiently trust in, wait on and rely on God (not someone else)
4. It means we can spend time preparing for a relationship / marriage so that when the opportunity eventually turns up, we can enter it prepared (nobody is perfect - if you think marriage will fix all your problems you are sadly mistaken!!) 

Preparing for marriage. Hmm.... how can we, as single people, prepare for marriage? 

[WARNING! sarcasm immediately below!]
Of course, being the expert I am on this subject I have lots of brilliant ideas on how you should all be preparing for marriage while you are single.

[sarcasm officially ended]

I actually do have some ideas. :P Whether they are brilliant or not it remains to be seen... but anyway, let's give it a shot.

1. Focus on your relationship with God above all other things. 
If you focus on God and make him your number one priority, everything else will fall into place!

2. Trust him completely
When he is in the driving seat of your life you don't need to worry about anything. He'll sort out everything for you. It really is wonderful not to have to worry about it!

3. Find contentment and joy in the season of life you are currently in.
This is a really great article- it talks about finding contentment in your current season of life - and what won't change once you get married. Also strengthen your relationships with your friends and family members. You won't regret doing that!

4. Understand marriage
When I say understand marriage, I mean understand the God-ordained purpose of marriage and what it really is. God created marriage to be a beautiful picture of Himself and the church. There are some great scriptures on this that you can read and study. The thing is, that has implications on what a marriage should look like!

5. Pray for your future spouse
This is really important in my opinion! Pray for your future spouse... whatever they are doing, wherever they are in life. I did a blog post about this last year.

6. Become a woman worth pursuing
Sorry guys, this one's not for you. (You might glean something from it though.) How to be a woman worth pursuing. A really interesting read.

7. Learn new things
Always be open-minded to learn new things. Read great books about the world and about Christian living (Preparing to be a Help Meet by Debi Pearl is a great one - and on the topic of preparing for marriage, too!). Learn some new skills, make mistakes, step out of your comfort zone and just go for it!! :)

Do you think singleness means loneliness?
How do you think single girls (and guys) should be preparing for marriage?
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  1. Point 6 broadened for more people:
    Don't focus on finding the right one. Focus on becoming the right one!

  2. I love this post, Bonnie!!! I've struggled with this so much as well...finding joy and contentment when what you really want is love and attention.

    I also love all the A Lovely Calling posts!!! I actually "sort of" know Lisa Hallahan. :) I really enjoyed the Prayers For Your Future Husband post. Those were really good!!

    1. Thank you! :) I know, right... it's so hard.
      Wow, that's awesome!! I love that blog. I came across it a while back and it's like a breath of fresh air.


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