Friday, 23 September 2016

How to Give a Compliment



I recently did a post about how to respond to a compliment (find it here). This post is about how to give a compliment (after it was suggested to me in a comment on the other post). Hope you find it helpful!

Giving compliments is super awesome and really fun. It makes you feel really happy and good inside. It takes the focus off you and spreads a little joy. And if you give it in the right way and handle the conversation afterwards carefully, I honestly don't think it needs to be terribly awkward (feel free to agree or disagree with me!).

I saw a definition of a compliment which was "a verbal act of sunshine" and I LOVE that! By giving a compliment you are distributing sunshine! Yay! *proceeds to get really excited*

I think compliments are a great idea. Hopefully I've convinced you of the same.

But how do you give a compliment?

Well, firstly, it must be sincere. 
Sincerity is so important. Don't give a compliment frivolously! Don't say it just for the sake wanting something to say. If you want to give a compliment, find something you genuinely appreciate or like and then compliment it. Don't arbitrarily pick things ("nice nose"). A good compliment goes deeper! Mean what you say and say what you mean.

Have the right motives
This kind of ties in with the previous point. Don't compliment to make it look like you are a nice person. Compliment to make someone else feel special! Your purpose is to bless them, not to bless you. Keep this in mind.

Be specific. 
It's easy to be broad and generic in your compliments. However, be specific (and focus on achievements more than physical traits - that can be a good idea).
So instead of telling someone that they have a nice outfit, you can compliment them on their good taste and tell them you love the way the colours work together in what they are wearing. It will be more meaningful.
And don't compliment everyone the same way. If you tell most people you see that you like their outfit, it's time to change it up a bit! Take the time to come up with something you genuinely admire or appreciate about the person and compliment them on that.

Be generous in your compliments but not excessive.
Don't shower someone with compliments. If you are a little more sparing, your words will resonate more.

It's all in the delivery
Since you're only going to be complimenting someone if you are sincere, make it sound like you are sincere! How you deliver the compliment is very important. Speak warmly and sincerely - and make eye contact while you do so. Smile at the person (but don't laugh - you don't want to make it sound like you are joking).

Don't ruin it
Don't give backhanded compliments. It's a passive-aggressive way to hurt someone's feelings. For example, telling someone you like their hair and then asking what is different from normal will really devalue what you are saying. Don't ruin it! Here's another example:
"You're really good at running, for a girl". Attaching a qualifier to a compliment turns it into an insult.


By the way....
I don't want to scare you off complimenting because you are worried it will come across bad. Compliment anyway! Speak up, show a bit of courage and brighten someone's day. Be sincere and kind... and just go for it.

(this post is not me fishing for complimentary comments, just clarifying :P)
Linking up here.

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PS. I HIT 45 BLOG FOLLOWERS!! So excited! Thanks guys! (It actually says 46 because I'm one of them but I don't count me because, well, I'm me. :P)

10 comments:

  1. Thank you for the awesome pointers.

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  2. Ooh, I like that verbal act of sunshine definition. They really do make the world a brighter place.

    Thanks for this post Bonnie. :) There a lot of things to think about there. I guess mostly what I need is practice putting all those points into action!

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    1. So do I! I thought it was so cool.

      You're welcome! I'm glad it gave you some things to think about, Jessica. Have a fantastic day.

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  3. Wow, this is such a good reminder, Bonnie! It's easy to become negative and point out everyone's mess-ups instead of their talents. =/ I think we constantly have to practice to love like Jesus loves and overlook the tiny, unimportant faults in others. Now I want to go put this into practice on my family. =) Thank you!

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    1. Thanks, Hosanna! It's so easy to be negative, isn't it. It takes a conscious effort to be positive and spread that sunshine! Thanks for your sweet words.

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  4. This is lovely! I appreciate your pointers. :)

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    1. Fantastic! I'm glad you appreciate them.

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  5. Hi Bonnie! I just found your blog from Jessica at Apples of Gold. First of all, I love the watercolor design :) Second of all, this was an awesome post. I'm not the greatest at giving compliments. Or maybe I should say I just don't think about it and don't give them out very often. But lately I've been getting some very nice, sincere, compliments from people and it has made me realize that I should work on giving them out more often! So thank you! I hope to put these things to use!

    Lorraine // Laurel Crowned

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    1. Hey Lorraine! Thank you for your sweet comment and for following my blog! :) You're very kind.
      Who is amazing at giving compliments often? Um, definitely not me. I was preaching at myself not just my readers, hehee!
      Giving a sincere compliment is a great way to send a hug (which I can say because you, too, follow Jessica's lovely blog). :)
      <3 Blessings!
      *heads to check out your blog*

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