Wednesday 5 October 2016

How to Fight the Fire of an Argument

Who gets into arguments? *raises hand sheepishly*



I'm really good at arguing (especially with family members, let's be honest). The other person's opinion is just so clearly WRONG and I HAVE to tell them exactly how they err!

But something I've been learning, and that God has been gently teaching me, is that you can't fight fire with fire.

What??!!

I said, you can't fight fire with fire. You have to fight fire with water, soothing, cold water. You fight fire in an argument/discussion with soothing, calm words.

A chap called Beau Taplin (who I'd never heard of until I found this quote he said, but my, his quote is fantastic) said this:
We are all so desperate to be understood, we forget to be understanding.
So often, in the heat of the moment, giving into our desire to yell at them and tell them that their opinion is DEFINITELY WRONG is what we do. And of course, we shouldn't.

Proverbs 18:2
A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.


*winces*

Oh my, that hits close to home, doesn't it!

The Bible makes it clear in this verse (and in many others! Prov 17:27, Prov 21:23, James 1:26, Titus 3:2... I could go on and on) that understanding others is what a wise man does.

It is wise to take pleasure in understanding.

Easy to say. Hard to do.

Like Beau Taplin says, we forget to be understanding. Why? Because we're so desperate to be understood.

It requires humility, doesn't it. That humble act of putting the other person before us and going, yes, I want to express my opinion and I think yours is COMPLETE rubbish... but choosing to ignore those rash feelings inside us that want to express those opinions. To step back and allow the other person to explain their point of view. To avoid that argument because you know it won't help any. To seek to honestly understand the other person's viewpoint and to seek out where they are coming from.

It's definitely not something that comes naturally to us! When we see a fire we want to fight it! But we must stop and choose to fight it wisely - with water, that will put it out, rather than with fire, which will only make it grow.

Fight the fire of a heated discussion with soothing words and the honest desire to understand, to stop it turning into the furnace of an argument.

Like Proverbs 15:1 says, a gentle answer turns away wrath. Gentleness and humility are the keys to dampening out and extinguishing the fire of an argument.

What has the Lord been teaching you recently?
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14 comments:

  1. This is really good! Totally true! Thanks for sharing Bonnie! :)
    Ellie R.
    www.uniquelyyou1.blogspot.com

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  2. Amen Bonnie! I love this post. Definitely a great discussion. :)

    With love and all joy,
    Allie D.
    www.alliesblogdesigns.blogspot.com
    www.friendlovesatalltimes.blogspot.com
    www.sincerelyallied.blogspot.com
    www.spreadingmyjoy.blogspot.com

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    Replies
    1. You're so sweet, Allie. Thank you! <3

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    2. By the way, I still can't view your private blog. It keeps saying Permission Denied. Can you please add me to see it? :)
      bonnie(dot)j(dot)smithies(at)gmail(dot)com

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    3. Sure, I'd love to!

      With love and all joy,
      Allie D.
      www.alliesblogdesigns.blogspot.com
      www.friendlovesatalltimes.blogspot.com
      www.sincerelyallied.blogspot.com
      www.spreadingmyjoy.blogspot.com

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  3. So True Bonnie thanks for the reminder.

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  4. I really love proverbs 29:11, "A Fool uttereth all his mind, but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards" I say this to myself often, to remember that I really don't need to speak everything I think, and that I rarely should have the last say in a matter. Thank for this write-up-so good!

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    1. That's such a great verse! So true, isn't it. Thank you for sharing, sweet Lexi! :) Blessings.

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  5. Great reminder...thank you for sharing this! It's sooo easy to forget in the heat of the moment.

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    1. My pleasure! Isn't it easy to forget. I'm glad you were blessed by my post.

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  6. This was a really good reminder. I am someone who hates arguments and problems, but I agree..fighting with siblings seems to be way too easy! This post was very insightful. THANK YOU, BONNIE! :) ♥

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    1. Thank you!! :) You're so sweet. I agree - fighting is the easy way out.

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